Stupid thing called .. I love you..

Short forms:

MH- My heart

MB- My brain

Love is like  a drug in our system , powerful and lethal than any kind of alcohol available in this civilized world .It can take you crazy heights of being high as no weed would do. 

Phew.. 

Every time he called me“Baby” that night , my heart beat increased  a million times. 

Every time he said he missed me, my heart skipped a beat. 

Every time he told me 'I wana hug you' , I shivered & felt  a current running from tip to toe of my body .

 All my life I have been a 'cliche lovey-dovey' critique. I used to roll my eyes at those silly lovers and even passed nasty remarks like " How wanna be ..” . Each time I saw another Bolywood actress holding a pillow and hugging it thinking of their lover I would change the channel on TV. How on earth , I was doing the same thing when he told me 'I wana hold u tight ' (Yeah.. tell me about it )..  I blushed innumerable  times and repeated 'I miss you ' for million times times and clutched the pillow tighter each time I thought it’s high time we met. How on earth was I feeling this kinda chemical reaction in my head??(or was it my heart) . This surprised the hell outta me .

Phew..  I was behaving like a 15 year old school girl and I hated myself for loosing control .. and finally could not hold it in and said.. “Love you” .. I m in love with you.. I knew it wont work.. I knew he dint.. But did it matter to me?? No.. not at all..  It was 5:30 AM and I dint wanna leave him and sleep.. Hold on.. Don’t I have a class in 2 hours?? I reached out for my phone to set an alarm for 7:40 AM and slept. (Supposedly.. AM.. It was set for 7:40 PM) I have a mental alarm in my head so I wake up at the exact time..  I was thinking non-stop what happened the last night standing in the shower.. when I realize.. “Shit.. The water is cold.. “ Shivering but smiling I got dressed and each time I looked at the mirror I blushed.. I could feel the pink thingy travelling all the way to the center of my cheeks. How many times have I loathed those wana be “Romeo-Juliet” who talk all night repeating "Kya soch rae ho??" ( What are you thinking)? .. "Kuch nahi" ( Nothing) over and over again.. I could not believe I was doing the same thing.. all night…I shook my thoughts and put on my eyeliner. Ayesha .. my friends called out as I was late as always … I have heard love makes you look glowing and pretty .Oh well, I don’t know about that but it did made me sleepy for sure.With visible puffy eyes and dark circles welcome to the arena of love ! 

2 hrs of sleep and air-conditioning during car ride made me yawn 1000 times and I wished to sleep right then and there. But I did drag myself to Project management class. Once I entered class and lifted my sleepy hanging head , I saw guys, so many of them. OMG totally cute ones too .In fact me and Tasha were only 2 girls in the class?  Italian men certainly know how to look fashionable , how do anyone resist talking to them? Phew.. I am in love .. I am in love .. I am in love.. I reminded myself . 

Once I took my favorite corner seat and Tasha and Danny sat behind me .. I started feeling my eyes closing down.I forced myself to stay up and at least to appreciate the abundance of cute looking guys in my class. But all I could think was about Aarav. “That’s some serious thingy Ayesha.. You are not even looking at cuties..phew..get over it” .. (Yeah.. my brain(MB) and my heart(MH) talk to each other) ..

I was caught day dreaming by prof.. bit my lower lip as in the old Bolywood style and started writing something..when I realized what I was doing.. I saw that I have been doing the FLAME game with Aarav and Ayesha written together. (F as in friends..L as in love.. A as in adore.. M as in Marriage on cards and E as in enemy..) "What??" MB was disgusted by MH’s domination over my body today. Me doing that kiddo stuff confused my own-self.. I blushed and Tasha was like… “You ok? You look pink.. Did you eat? “ . I smiled and confirmed that its due to the heat.. "Heat what heat??? It's cold in class ! At least don’t insult me with your dumb answers” MB scolded me. Everyone knows I cant bear heat so my friends left me alone . I continued taking out love percentage and smiling. I was even humming songs unaware and somehow caught attention. So,I decided to shut up to avoid any further stupidity.

MB started it’s work now..as it does.. “de-motivating me ”. In my head I thought “May be you are not good enough for him.. May be you are too dark , too short , too fat “ . But somehow MH wont leme down today.. I got my mirror and check myself out in class (Yeah.. I actualy did that..Call me narcissist  ) . I smiled and MH was like.. “You r cute”.. I smiled again. Every moment that was spent last night flashed back in front of me . The way I was breathing and was nervous as if it’s my 1^st crush. Is it a crush?? “It is much more than it.. Aish.." MH saz ."Well thanks" .. Oopsie did I just say that out loud?? As every one turned towards me , I smile foolishly . Our professor was not happy at all. Thank goodness I have some amount of presence of brains which answered the questions shot round after round were fairly answered by me.

Phew.. when heart and brain is on war.. I m the one who suffers.

MH  refused to go back to real time scenario that day and reminded me of each and every dialogue of last night . I remembered saying “ Aarav I never though we will run outta topics while talking..” .. We have spoken almost everyday.. and discussed world politics to cars to guys in class or chics he met through his friends.. But tonight was a different night.. MH started throwing questions on me.. (Dat’s MH’s favorite thingy by d way) ..it said.. “Aish.. Do u think u guys would have kissed if you were together?” I could not believe I never met the guy for whom I am falling in love so intensly and madly.

 MB was busy with case studies by that time so MH was not even contradicted for that thought . I could feel heat rushing through my cheeks and I answered to my heart's innocent question “may be..” I don’t know what I was reading in the case study anymore. I continued answering MH’s question ,  ”May be..  for the longest time on this mortal earth and anywhere else in this universe , we would have kissed till we got breathless or till we gasped some oxygen.No.. may be till we would have fallen asleep. It would have been the most blissful smooch ever between practical strangers in the history of mankind or even for any green li'll aliens if they existed . It would probably be recorded in some kind of Guinness book of world record for being a longest kiss . May be..” I was clearly the last one to finish the case study.Rather than being nervous about it I smiled and bit my lower lip again . Tasha did not let that pass unnoticed. She wrote a note saying “We need to talk Ayesha” . I shook my head and dint answer after reading it. After the discussion on the case study during lunch Tasha teased me for being naughty with someone last night.(Americans.. Phew they can dig some serious stuff if they wanna do so..) . I told her (I had to tell Tasha) everything about Aarav. She concluded " hmm.. U in love.. U in love?? U in love!! Aish.. I don’t know what to tell you girl.. He doesn’t love u.. and still wants you in his life.. I don’t get it? I don’t wanna hear anyone taking advantage of you." I smiled and said.. " He is the kinda guy whom I protect of being taken advantage of"  . Tasha was concerned.She dint want me being broken and shattered due to a relationship with no future. Rather than being a snob I actually was touched by her concern and thought to myself "Am I not lucky to have them as my friends ?" aww.. I hugged her to ease her up on the tension.When you are so far from home , its so important have such honest and close friends car about you . Even if they scold you it feels wonderful .

That night after our video call , after talking to Aarav I felt butterflies in my stomach . Am I in love with him? Or am I being crazy. This is the first time ever uncertainty didn't scare me. I smiled all the time and am still smiling. I don’t care if he noticed my Facebook status messages I wrote thinking of him. I don’t know if he thought about me last night at all. All I know is love didn't feel anything like this ever before and I have never been so crazily confident as I am at this time. I know ,it would sound crazily bolywoodish but all songs in my playlist and radio made me smile and blush as if they were written for this very moment. I recently heard this cliche dialogue stating  “Pyar kahan kisi ka poora hota hai.. Pyar ka pehla akshar adhoora hota hai..” !! ( Noone 's love is complete coz ... aah forget it..  It's better in hindi :) )

And about me,  I am just in love with myself . Who cares if this turns into a relationship?Need not all roads have destinations , the road is beautiful enough to make one feel on cloud nine . I had the pleasure of discovering a whole new side of me and I wish i could hold my tongue from saying the stupid thing called " I love you" ! 

PS: Wrote a fiction story after a long time..Hope you readers like it :)

FYI .. Ayesha is not me :) 

Amrita Priyadarsini

MBA Diaries : Out of Classes :)

“For the 100^th time..” Laura rolled her eyes.. She was angry.. So was I.. Again London.. The place which appealed so much to eyes in Bollywood movies .. The city termed as “city of dreams”  was suddenly becoming “the dreadful city”. My last UK trip was a bitter learning experience.. The ugly side of selfish friendship.. some hard feelings crept up in mind each time I think of it  . After all life cannot be like the pretty pictures we click to put on Facebook . Yes, it hurts when you try to cover up “so much” for a so called friend, so many times and they keep no stone unturned to hurt you just to satisfy their ego. Call me drama queen for this , but I would still say : “Even to be a drama queen it takes emotions and if you can’t respect emotions.. It’s your incompetence not mine.” Life did show me the cruelty of real things!

But Wait !! Wasn’t that was like 2 weeks ago. My assignment is due in 5 days.. Hello.. I don’t need no learning experience no more. I am tired just want to sit down and write nonstop assignments.. Me being the last minute girl explains my devastated reactions! Pack my bags n head to the airport! But was it really bad the last time? Didn’t I realize that God has always sent angels to protect me ?A little bit of him always is present in people around me.

It was proved when I met few people in my life, Flash Back:

Sakwimba, Preeti and Carol , I do not know how would it be to have a own sister coz I never had one. But the way you guys have loved me , I cannot think words to express my love and high regards for you. The day I arrived in Bradford from City of Bath , my self-respect was wounded and belief over friendship was feeble. But you.. lovely ladies retained my faith on people called “friends”. Thank you for everything my girlies.

On my way back from Bradford to London I met Amulya Mamu for the 1^st time. I do not know if angels exist, but I have seen one now I can claim that. I have never seen such a selfless man in my life. He cared like my dad.. cooked for me as my mom, guided me like a teacher. I don’t know how to describe the regards, but all I can say is , in my prayers his name is definitely included.

When I met Pandey uncle and family I was more interested in “parathas” than knowing them. Aunty cooked amazing food each time I went to see them. On 20^th jan when I saw aunty I don’t know why I felt so empty from within. Suddenly mom flashed in front of my eyes,I wanted to hug her and tell her she means a lot for me . This was bound to happen, the 'ties of food' are immensely strong and me being a foodie, this whole thing made me go “Emo” .. Just the way it should be in Bolywood.. 

I do not know when I see the people mentioned in this scribble but all I know is in my prayers, their names will always be there.

So coming back to the present, this was probably my last visit to London. My Accounts exam was a lesser disaster than I expected (Thanks to Pradeep for teaching me on FB, that’s what u call Remote Support ) .I was able to finish Economics assignments in 2 days (Thanks to Kailash and Sourav for helping me and Pallavi for the super sweet encouragement). Laura was always there to bear my stupid anxieties and last minute drama . Life is on a Roll again! Bradford-->London -->Perugia-->Spoleto .. each memory is worth cherishing!

Guest room for Ma !!

"I am not going to stay with you all.. It will be too much of a burden. " It was not the 1st time she said that .

Her wrinkles could not hide her warmth. Her fragrance reminded me of the first eternal drops of rain , which touches barren earth to quench thirst of  all earthly creations. Her shadow reminds of the a huge old tree which has given love , protection and strength to dear ones.

Why does the beautiful word of " Mama" turns into a burden with course of time. One of my close friends asked me once: "Does it hurt when I pinch you? " I nodded in agreement. Her next line was so beautiful that it moist my lashes each time I think of it. She told me that it hurts coz our skin is pulled, "Imagine.. your mom's skin was pulled for months as she carried you in her womb" . The woman whose womb was our 1st home , is it really difficult to give her one extra room and warmth which she rightfully deserves. The woman who understands your cries and "sign language" when you were a baby.. how difficult can it be to understand her pain?her silence?her silent tears? A woman who has raised her children facing so many obstacles in life , how difficult can it be to let her live with pride and respect in her last years?She never cared about giving her jewellery or property away to her beloved children, how difficult can it be to treat her with love ?

I can feel vivid memories pass by, when I used fight with my Dad when he used to support granny each time I said something against her. Now, all I can say is I hold my head high and cant be more proud of my Dad, who has never let his mother away and supported her all his life .

 I do not know if I can reach out to the correct people I want to ,but all I want to say is when  you abandon your beautiful lady and do not care to call or pick her up to bring her back home, remember time will change soon. The phase she is going through will soon come to you coz life has a very strange rule which says " What goes around .. That Comes around" . Do keep the guest room open , it will be used by you.. Soon..

PS 1 :Moms all around the world.. You are strong enough to give birth to a new life.. You are strong enough to give away everything you own to your loved ones.. So be aware.. " You are strong enough to speak for yourself. Even if your sons, daughters and daughter in laws are complacent to acknowledge your contribution to shape their lives up  , please do not hesitate to voice it. You are precious.. Don't be afraid of anything , God will back you up!

PS 2:  Mama, I have fought with you and sometimes hurt you. But I want you to know.. I am proud of you.I wana thank you for all your support.Thank you for making me..who I am.. I Love you!

Amrita Priyadarsini